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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168819">I Must Tell You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingsfromafangirl/pseuds/writingsfromafangirl'>writingsfromafangirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Cute, Cute Ending, Cutesy, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Drama, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Light Angst, One Shot, Protective Bucky Barnes, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Short One Shot, Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tumblr, Tumblr Rec, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:47:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingsfromafangirl/pseuds/writingsfromafangirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as your relationship steadies, you decide it's time to share a not-so-small secret with Bucky.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Must Tell You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was a bit of an old one I found stashed in my writing folder. I don't know why it's never seen the light of day but I spruced it up and decided to send it out there! It's certainly a bit of weird writing (my old writing vs. new writing) but I still hope it's a fluffy read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were sitting alone in the medical wing of the compound putting the finishing touches on some overdue reports when Natasha strolled in. She was dressed in a fitted, sleek black dress instead of her usual training attire and immediately you knew where this was going. Even just the twinkle in her eyes told you she was here to pest you into attending some social event — most likely bar hopping — with her tonight.</p><p>"Hey, Y/N…" She dragged out your name in that sweet voice and your suspicions were confirmed,</p><p>"Sorry, Nat." You chuckled without ever taking your eyes off the pending classified medical documents. You heard the tall red head let out a groan as she leaned against your desk.</p><p>"Come on, you haven't gone out with us girls in a while," Natasha whined, which you found quite amusing.</p><p>After double checking the current report and pushing it to the "finished" pile, you turned to her with a semi-sincere apologetic look. </p><p>"Sorry," You shrugged. "Bucky is coming over to my place for dinner."</p><p>You watched as her whole demeanor changed from pleading to astonishment. She was no longer casually leaning against your desk. Instead she was fully facing you, hands on her hips, as if she didn't believe it. </p><p>"He’s… your place?" She nearly gasped. "You’re going to tell him?"</p><p>You averted your eyes back to the stack of papers just waiting to be reviewed. </p><p>"What makes you think I’m telling him?" You mumbled, trying your hardest to focus on the words but it was all becoming jumbled.</p><p>She scoffed, "Maybe because the second he walks into your apartment he’ll be hit by drawings on the fridge, toys peaking out of ever corner in the living room… Oh! How about outdated baby-proofing you did-,"</p><p>"Alright! Alright," Your elbows hit the desk as you slouched over with your head in your hands. "Yes, I’m telling him."</p><p>It never quite felt real until you said it in that moment. The sudden fear and anxiety hit you like a crashing wave but all you could do is sit there and pretend like you were hiding it. It was horrifying to think about but you and Bucky had been going strong for a while now. There was no better time than at a peaceful moment in the relationship, you figured. How crazy you may have been. Besides, it hurt to keep anything from him. So, it was down to now or never. </p><p>When you really looked at it, it sure seemed to be a horrifyingly huge secret to keep from someone for a good few months but you weren't left with much choice. At first you thought being a single mother would be your biggest challenge. Then, when you felt at ease with everything, you decided to get back out there. Needless to say, it was a horrific failure. You thought the best way to approach it would be to come straight out talking about your son. That did nothing but push away guy after guy. Finally, you just gave up. Didn't even think about dating until one interesting day at work you met Bucky and it just felt different. With memories of past dating failures still haunting you, you made the executive decision to not bring up your son until everything felt right. It was such a passionate decision you even made the team promise to never bring it up for the time being. In all honesty, you never thought it would come to this. You thought it was a fling or destined to fail, but as the days dragged on, the love just grew and grew.</p><p>Eternities — or so it seemed — dragged by until you felt an unsure hand awkwardly pat your back. You let out a low chuckle at Natasha’s attempt to comfort you. </p><p>"Im sure it’ll be.. fine." She didn’t sound too confident, but it could’ve just been her not knowing how to offer much if any support in the given situation. </p><p>You lifted your head and sat up straight. Natasha let out a sigh of relief and went back to her casual stance against your desk. </p><p>"You think it’ll be fine?" You asked. You didn't know if you really wanted an answer but really couldn't come up with anything to fill the odd silence. </p><p>You watched her ponder over it and then give you a nod. "Yeah, of course. From the looks of it, he cares about you a lot so I’m sure he will absolutely adore Josh."</p><p>While that wasn't much and you weren't sure if it really comforted you a whole lot, you gave her a thankful smile which clearly relieved her. </p><p>"Well," Natasha stood up, fixed her dress, and started to be on her way. "Good luck with tonight and you owe me!"</p><p>You shook your head, eyes rolling.</p><p>***</p><p>The last report sat in front of you as you skimmed it over thoroughly. You were so into this single sheet of paper you didn't hear the heavy footsteps approaching behind you. Out of what seemed like nowhere, two hands grabbed your shoulders and a husk voice yelled "Boo!"</p><p>You let out an unflattering squeal in surprise as Bucky came around from behind you and took a seat at the edge of your desk. He couldn't contain his laughter.</p><p>"God damn you, Bucky. You scared the crap out of me." You managed to get out between breaths. </p><p>"Sorry, doll," He chuckled. </p><p>You playfully rolled your eyes at your boyfriends ridiculousness and he did his best to shoot back a hurtful look but it was no use. You both let out little laughs. </p><p>"Now, are you almost done for the day because I’m starving." Bucky let out a dramatic sigh as he emphasized the word "starving".</p><p>You turned back to the medical report and took a deep breath. Oh, yeah. You had a plan for tonight.</p><p>"Oh, um, yeah, yeah," You said, tossing the report back into its original pile to be checked in the morning. You clearly were not making progress right now. "Lets just pick up something for dinner, it’s getting late."</p><p>You stood up from your desk, carefully pushed in the office chair, then took your time putting on your coat and collecting your personal items, just trying your best to waste time. It worried you how quickly this hit but there was just something taunting you. Every minute you got closer to your apartment, every minute you got closer to telling him everything, every-</p><p>"Y/N? Are you alright? Did you hear me?" Bucky’s voice was so soft, quickly pulling you out of you daze.</p><p>"Yeah — sorry, you said something?" </p><p>Composing yourself was harder than you thought. You tried to come off casual with your question as you two walked towards the elevator. </p><p>"Um, yeah, I asked if you wanted to pick up a movie for us to watch after dinner?" Bucky asked in the elevator. His voice was full of concern but you pretended not to notice and answered with a soft "sure."</p><p>Bucky stared at you a bit in surprise but said nothing as he followed you out to your car. It was for the most part fairly silent in the car as you started driving. What little sound came from you nervously tapping your hands on the steering wheel. </p><p>You felt Bucky giving you side glances every now and then but you drowned him out with the radio music and focusing on driving. It was all going to be okay.</p><p>***</p><p>You both settled on Chinese takeout as your date night meal along with renting some action movie that had some critical acclaim.</p><p>As you got back in the car and started heading towards your apartment, you could feel the stress and fear hit you even harder than before. Your knuckles were turning white as you gripped the steering wheel in angst. You were even sitting up straighter in the drivers seat, almost at full attention. You weren’t even sure what was really coming over you. All fears started to slowly fizzle, but not disappear, when Bucky’s hand started rubbing soft circles on your back. He knew something was up with you but knowing you, trying to pry in would only prove to be useless. He figured when the time was right, you would come clean.</p><p>You pulled into a parking spot in front of your apartment building. After turning off the car, you and Bucky sat there for a moment. He had no clue why, but he just went along with your peculiar action.</p><p>After a few seconds, you said, "I’ll grab the food," and abruptly got out of the car. He was slightly phased by this but followed with the movie DVD into your apartment complex.</p><p>The 30 second elevator ride was as dragging as the car ride but pretending to double check the bag that your order was fulfilled correctly kept your mind slightly occupied. </p><p>When the elevator dinged at your floor you swore your heart nearly stopped.</p><p>"Very nice apartment building you live in," Bucky attempted some small talk as you two walked to your apartment’s front door.</p><p>"Oh yeah, it’s quite nice. Has a gym, pool, everything." You chuckled awkwardly.</p><p>Few more quick steps later and you were in front of your door. Bucky took the food as you fished around in your purse for the keys. You were just seconds before unlocking it when you stopped. Now was the time. You had to rip the band-aid off yourself before he figured it out on his own.</p><p>"Darling? You alright?" Bucky was starting to sound a bit irritated. He decided to abandon the whole "you’ll tell him when you’re ready" idea —  he had never seen you act like this and he was getting quite worried.</p><p>"I have a son." You blurted out as you pulled your key back from the lock and swiftly turned to him, your back leaning on the door.</p><p>Bucky gave you a wildly confused look. The same look you had been expecting and it seems a hundred times worse in the moment. "Huh?" </p><p>"I have a 5 year old son named Josh." You mumbled and averted your eyes back to your keys, the nerves getting the best of you.</p><p>Bucky took a slight step back to give you room but he still had the marveled look on his face. His mouth was slightly parted as if trying to find words to say.</p><p>"A son?" He finally came up with after was felt like minutes upon hours of silence.</p><p>You finally looked up at him and gave a slight nod. </p><p>He was silent again and you felt for sure he would just drop everything, turn around, and that would be that. The search would continue, probably at half-speed, and it would be whatever. You were numb at this point. Nothing men did after telling them this surprised you anymore, or so you thought.</p><p>"Really? Is that why you’ve been acting so odd? You wanted to tell me that?" </p><p>You sighed. Relief hadn’t completely come yet but the fact he was still standing in front of you meant something. "Yeah, yeah, look- I get it if you can't handle this, don't want that responsibility or something you can go-,"</p><p>"Hold up, hold up," He cut you off. "I’m not going anywhere. You have a son… that’s great, when do I get to meet the little guy?"</p><p>"What?" You stood there, dumbfounded. You never heard those words before.</p><p>"I want to meet him sometime. He’s a part of you and if I'm seeing you I want to know him as well." </p><p>You froze at those words. They were so gentle and you truly felt he meant it. The situation at hand forced you to let out a nervous chuckle. "Well jeez, I’m sorry, he’s with my parents tonight. I… I didn’t know how telling you would go so I sent him to his grandparents in case I was.. wailing all night. He’s, um, very protective of his mom."</p><p>Bucky let out a joyful chuckle. "Sounds like he’s already a great little man,"</p><p>You smiled your first genuine smile in a while. "Yeah, he’s a special one."</p><p>There was a comfortable silence as you silently thanked any higher being out there for the reaction of your dreams finally coming true. </p><p>Your prayer was interrupted by Bucky saying, "Should we, um, get inside? The food is getting cold."</p><p>"Oh, gosh." You gasped and fumbled to unlock the apartment. "Just, um, excuse… most of the apartment. It’s still baby-proofed and there’s toys and-,"</p><p>"Hey, Y/N, shh.." He shushed you and nodded for you to just enter the apartment already. "It’s perfectly fine,"</p><p>"Alright, alright." You raised your hands in defeat. You turned on the light and lead him to the comfortable kitchen. Your sight first landed on your son’s drawings which scattered the fridge along with letter magnets spelling out his name and various photos. Bucky set down the food on the kitchen island and followed your gaze to the tan fridge. He wandered over to it, admiring the crayons drawings and photos of your son playing in the leaves and on the playground. </p><p>"This is why I told you out in the hallway. He’s all over this apartment without really being here," You laughed.</p><p>He let out a low chuckle. "I can see that. He seems like quite the creative kid… How adorable." </p><p>"He’s something else," You smiled at the thought of your rambunctious son running around chasing you or playing make believe with his toy swords as you proceeded to unpack the Chinese dinner. Bucky walked back over and sat at the stool in front of the kitchen island. You sat across from him and dug into your fried rice.</p><p>"If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to Josh’s father?" Bucky asked as he helped himself to some noodles and chicken.</p><p>Your stomach turned into a knot at the question. You tapped your fork on the plate trying to think of how to go about explaining the monster that was Josh’s father.</p><p>You pushed around pieces of rice on your plate, letting the question just hang ridiculously long in the air. It wasn't the most touchy subject for you — just not your favorite thing to ever talk about. </p><p>"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked," Bucky mumbled, seeing how distressed the question made you.</p><p>"No," You choked out. "No, it’s alright, just haven’t talked about this in forever… he’s, um, I left him. He’s not a nice man, in fact he’s a very violent man so when I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to just go. I lived at the base for the longest time, then I hopped over to my parents’ place for a bit just to make sure I was in the clear and, um, we moved into this beauty when Josh was about 2. I haven’t had direct contact with his father since I walked out but the last I heard about him was he’s facing jail time I think… I don't know."</p><p>It was almost a complete relief to finally share your struggles with someone. Of course others knew about what you went through but no one talked about it. To actually sit there and speak with someone regarding it, someone you trusted and loved dearly, was a new feeling. It almost didn't even feel real.</p><p>"I’m very sorry you went through all that," Bucky managed to find some words but even the words he did choose felt as if they fell flat. Honestly, he didn't know what to say… what could he say? He couldn't even begin to understand what you were feeling especially since you had been keeping this in for a while.</p><p>You could feel a sudden uneasiness drift between you too which made you frown slightly. You didn't want to make anything uncomfortable. </p><p>"Everything is okay now," You whispered, reaching across the island to put your hand on his. He jerked his head up at the action only to be met by your smirking face. "I moved on, I made a pretty decently life for me and my son. Sure, there was some rough patches but everything miraculously worked itself out." </p><p>"You’re unbelievably strong, doll," He said with total confidence and even shot back a smile. </p><p>You gave a slow nod and let out a chuckle, "I try my best."</p>
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